Anarchist Bear Unleashed

Edmonton - Anarchist Bears incorporated reported last night that the prototype Anarchist Bear had escaped from their lab and was believed to be at large in the community. A company spokesman told reporters and police at a hastily arranged press conference yesterday, that the Anarchist Bear was designed to be a “seek-and-destroy”, anti-cutesy collectible, whirlwind of destruction.
“It’s vicious beyond belief!”, shrieked the visibly flustered vice-president of public relations for Anarchist Bears Inc.
“Run! Hide! Grab your Royal Daltons(tm) and flee to the mountains!”

Contacted at the company’s laboratory, Chief Engineer Dr. Al Chemist confirmed the warning - urging owners of Beanie Babies(tm), Care Bears(tm), Disney(tm) film figurines and other revoltingly cutesy collectibles to lock their doors and windows and leave them locked. “Although...”, mused Dr. Chemist, “that might not help them very much...the little b#stard had apparently been building himself a catapult out of popsicle sticks - presumably for the purpose of launching himself through locked but unbarred windows”. The Anarchist Bear is described as being approx.
12 inches tall, with a green mohawk and wearing a black leather jacket with anarchist and punk-rock slogans written on it.

The above rant is a reprint from Issue #1 of the old Prairie Plain Speaker. It was our satirical approach to introducing our readers to our 'cutesy' mascot.

***BLATANT PRODUCT PLUG***
For the first time ever, you could be the dubiously proud owner of official Anarchy Bear products! T-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies and other clothing - in children's and adult sizes - mugs, buttons, magnets and ballcaps are now available bearing original photos of Anarchy Bear in a variety of poses. No, we are not joking. Check it out!

http://www.cafepress.com/anarchybear

Also included with Anarchy Bear's 'birth announcement' in issue one, was the following remake of "The Teddybear's Picnic" :

Anarchist Bears Picnic

If you go out in the woods today
You’d better not go alone
It’s lovely out in the woods today
But safer to stay at home

For Anarchist bears if ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day
The Anarchist bears have their picnic

Picnic time for Anarchist bears
The little Anarchist bears are having a lovely time today
Police can’t watch them, catch them unawares
Or hear them plotting on their holiday
See them gaily shining boots
They love to pillage and loot
They never have any cares
At twelve o’clock their mommies and daddies
Will charge them with assault
’Cause they’re vicious little Anarchist bears.

Beneath the trees,
where nobody sees
They’ll stomp and smash
as long as they please
’Cause that’s the way
The Anarchist bears
have their picnic

So what does this have to do with smoking, health promotion, crime, personal autonomy or any of the other topics previously discussed on this blog? Absolutely nothing! This is a ***blatant product plug***, plain & simple.
Makes a perfect holiday gift for those 'slightly odd' folk in your social circles, or anti-corporatist friends & family, or distant relatives who insist on sending you socks every year - wake 'em up with an Anarchy Bear button, mug or t-shirt:

http://www.cafepress.com/anarchybear

Now, a bonus for those of you patient enough to have made it this far through the advertisement. The following link will take you to the only known interview with our "star of stage, screen and most-wanted posters" (no, he's never acted in a play or been on tv or in a movie - that's just his motto) and includes a truly cheesy midi for your listening pleasure:

http://www.geocities.com/plainspeakermag/bearfan.html


NOTE: to those who may be in a generous or charitable mood -
Robert Anton Wilson needs our help!
http://www.boingboing.net/2006/10/02/robert_anton_wilson_.html

Bob Wilson is one of the greatest thinkers and writers of our age. Many of us were inspired by his writings, his humor, his compassion, his enduring optimism and faith in human progress.

"Note from Robert's friend, Denis Berry: Sadly, we have to report that wizard-author-intelligence increase agent is in trouble with his life, home and his finances. Robert is dying at his home from post polio syndrome. He has enough money for next months rent and after that, will be unable to pay. He cannot walk, has a hard time talking and swallowing, is extremely frail and needs full time care that is being provided by several friends-fans-volunteers and family. We appeal to you to help financially for the next few months to let him die at his home in peace."

"Robert's writing has enlightened-educated many and if you can please commit to help pay a portion of his expenses until his passing which sadly won't be that long. Monthly contributions of $50.00 or more will be greatly appreciated. All monies will go directly to Robert and can be sent to his PayPal address olgaceline@gmail.com. You can also send a check to RAW c/o Futique Trust, P.O. Box 3561, Santa Cruz, Ca 95063"